Are You Struggling and Can’t See the End?

“You just don’t understand!  I'm not the schooly type.  I'm the cowboy type, Mom.”

My son was nine. We had worked phonics and spelling rules, grueling work for my son battling with dyslexia. Fingers of sunlight filtered through the French doors of our classroom and beckoned my son to come and play. 

I scrutinized the splash of light across his laboring pencil, and his head shot upward, freckled nose following the light like a pointer-beagle targeting a coon. Exasperation darkened his face. He squared his slim shoulders and shook his silky, blond bangs. 

“Can I go out and play, Mom?” At the clear response written on my stoic face, he tried harder. “You just don’t understand!  I'm not the schooly type.  I'm the cowboy type, Mom.”

I couldn’t help myself. I laughed, shook my head, and drank in his earnest eyes. Didn’t this child sleep in six-guns and boots? What would I ever do with this boy? 

Most days this would not have been funny. My heart cried for my son who had to work hard to grasp academics. He was quite accomplished at anything hands-on, and his verbal skills were high. But written words and spelling dodged him at every turn. Obscure, they were burrs under his saddle, trying to steal the glory of each and every day. I can’t remember, but knowing my son and his ability to out-sell a charlatan, I probably allowed him to escape outdoors.

The fruit of adversity is the accomplishment of a goal which dangles, elusively, just out of our grasp… But its fruit is sweeter than any other when breakthrough snaps it from the branch.

Seven years later on a nippy, December morning, this same son strode into the Department of Public Safety to take his written driver’s exam. More than six feet tall, he towered above me. I smiled when I spied his polished-to-a-shine western boots, and they reminded me of a younger cowboy.

I wrangled with what seemed like abandonment when I pivoted to leave him— alone—for his first all-important written exam. Wasn’t this the son who grew sick and sleepless at the thought of test taking?

The driver's test was the first big hurdle into the adult world, and my anxiety level was as high for myself as it was for him. I winked at him and squeezed his nervous hand.

 "You'll do fine. I'll be praying for you..."

An hour later, I returned. His face was solemn as his eyes met mine from his seat across the room, and my heart lurched. Was this the face of good news? Slowly, his features stretched into a relaxed smile, and he stood and stepped the distance between us. Reaching my side, he was breathless with excitement. 

“I passed.”

All the years of letters dancing on a page for my son flashed before my eyes. His tears and endless ways of trying to get out of schoolwork flooded my memories. I could shut my eyes and still hear the droning of the cassette recorder the past weeks—playing the driver’s handbook over and over into the night. This is a day I will hold in my heart forever. A milestone, born of struggle—attained. We’d found a learning style that worked.

The fruit of adversity is the accomplishment of a goal which dangles, elusively, just out of our grasp… But its fruit is sweeter than any other when breakthrough snaps it from the branch.

What adversity do you face this day?  How are you coping in the middle? Or, are you at the end of your long struggle and have a word of hope for us?

When we don't know where to go, His whispers lead us...

Do You Ever Feel Like the Last Laugh is on You?

After thirty-six years of marriage, six children, and twenty six years of homeschooling, I finally understand. Who would have thought after all the play dough I've mixed, bread dough I've baked, and kid character dough I've shaped, I was the ball of clay? I've been the big mix of the Master Potter all along.

I remember mornings I rummaged blindly for the coffee pot, desperate for that single cup to start my engine. My boys would someday provide for families, so I pushed myself into each new day before the sun was up. Could the Lord have been making a morning person out of me? I never was, you know, but now I relish the quiet moments before sunrise.

Many days I was tempted to switch on the television and self-medicate from all my responsibilities. But, I wanted my kids to remember their mom as industrious. Could God have been protecting me from hours of wasted time and the squandering of my gifts? Self-discovery happened, instead. I love to write.

Somehow amid all the giving and teaching going on at my house, God is smiling.

Once I made a chart for the children to instruct them in the disciplines of keeping house. One of the little guys said, “Mommy, your bed isn't always made, and your room isn't always clean.” Ouch! While I did my best to teach the children consistency and good habits, God nudged me. Grace is a lovely, undeserved thing. 

Every time the kids took on a project—there I was—smack in the middle of it. I endured to spark their creativity, but discovered talents I possessed; I would not have endeavored so hard for myself.

Then there were all those precious moments when their elbows were on the table and they rested their faces in their chubby, little hands, and said…“I can't.” Who knew I would learn motivational secrets as effective as Dale Carnegie?

I rehearsed scriptures with the children time and again, hoping to build their characters strong and sound: Griping makes us discouraged, honey. A just man falls down seven times, but he gets up. A fountain can't bring forth bitter and sweet water, baby. Ask and He shall give. Could the Lord have been training me?

Grace is a lovely, undeserved thing. 

What about this new season? I still wear a high school teacher homeschooling hat, but I’m also a grandparent and babysitter on call. I’m my mom’s caregiver. I’m an addicted to the core writer. Watch me juggle like a Barnum and Bailey Circus clown. Watch my keyboard as it clicks, documenting my heart. I may have dinner in my teeth, a diaper pail running over, homework to check, deadlines to meet, and an elderly mother asking me to program the DVR for Dancing with the Stars, but I am still growing up.

Somehow amid all the giving and teaching going on at my house, God is smiling. He’s looking down upon my home and sizing up the job. Then in laughter and delight, He’s custom making me fit it—just a little shaping at a time.

Do you ever feel the last laugh is on you? How is God gently molding your life? Certainly, I am not the only one.

Know Your Limits

Recently a friend suggested we adopt a dog for my fifteen-year-old, Caleb, when we had sadly been forced to put down his childhood dog-friend, Trevor. Don’t think for a moment the temptation wasn’t there because I love my child, but I said, “No.” A slight tug of guilt niggled about... One minute. Just what had I endured in rearing six children for a period of thirty years?

• Six hermit crabs, and six hermit crab funerals.
• Four turtles—big ones, small ones, green ones, speckled. Don’t kid yourself that turtles are slow. They ran from my kids.
• Two rabbits, one which lived indoors. Do you know how often and to  what extent Lucy, the indoor rabbit, pooped?
• Add to this list, a goldfish bowl. Three aquariums, one of which my five-year-old, Jarred, wore on his head while jagged shards of glass threatened to sever his carotid artery. Not to mention, the ten gallons of dirty-fishy water and flailing fish that landed on the carpet.
• Three horses: Cricket, Lady, and Chess. Cricket lived in the backyard for a few weeks. What was that like? Well, aside from the balding yard, it was a little like trying to have school with children while being entertained by the circus. Never tie a horse to a swing set. Even if it’s made of iron.
• We had a number of dogs. Sheba, an Alaskan Spitz, as a puppy favored pooping in the floor furnace (while it was radiating) and later climbed sixteen foot fences in rain storms.
• The twin puppies Jiffy and Skippy found new homes quickly since they hadn’t been such bright ideas coupled with potty training two young sons.
• The adopted dog, Cinnamon, Kirk renamed Lassie. Why? I haven’t a clue since she was a Weimaraner mix and not a Collie. Stubborn as the day was long that dog and the boy.
• The Cocker Spaniel pup, Blessing, that should have been named Curse the way she chased cars, bike riders, and school buses.
• Tucker, the Lhasa Apsos, whom someone paid two hundred dollars to own and gave to us. That should have been a no brainer.
• And Trevor, another adoptee who should have had the Native American name rug-lies-in-a-heap-where-you-wish-to-walk.
• Three litters of puppies. One surprise litter had to be kept in our empty in-ground pool, because we had no backyard fence.
• Another litter, delivered by C-section at the vet clinic in the middle of the night, actually lived after the vet took each puppy from their mama’s womb and handed them to one of our eight family members. My husband, children, and I had to briskly rub each puppy with a towel to start their breathing.
• Cats? I’ve lost count. There was the one kitten which lost her life when she darted under a moving rocker. Then there was a white cat, Sassy, that needed a mental institution after young Joshua locked her in a tool box for four one hundred degree plus days.
• The next cat was a gray and white tabby named Seeka, and she lived with us a long while. She was perfect pet with Megan and Joanna. They daily dressed her in doll clothes and took her for spins around the yard in a baby buggy.
• Seeka had kittens. One, we thought a boy, was named Morris until we discovered he had become with kittens. This male, orange cat was hastily renamed Morrisa and had five orange babies, then licked a laundry detergent bottle and died. The next day Seeka delivered six new tabby babies. A proud mother and grandmother, Seeka adopted her grandchildren and nursed all eleven kittens. Now that was a precious lesson.
• Jake and Sweety, our lovely, cheerful, innocent parakeets. How much trouble could they be? They ate one of my expensive second grade ABeka readers. They were not good pets in a house with twelve foot ceilings. Try catching one of those while balancing on a seven foot ladder.
• And, I must mention Lucious, the jack-ass. No, I cannot politely call this animal a donkey. Lucious had one speed no matter how many times you prodded him with cowboy boots. He traveled stand-still-miles-per-hour. Except for when his neck would suddenly stiffen. Then he ran like a streak of lightening, bolted to a stop like a speed racer at a red light, and hurled his rider over the pasture fence with no remorse.

           I have been known to say, I will endure for one of my children when I may not for myself. Love and laughter keep us on a steady course, and the lessons of living, adopting, and dying enrich us. But I know my limits, at least at this stage in the game. Sometimes it is okay to say, “No.”

Listen for His Whispers... Sometimes they're loud.

Remedy for Burnout: Yield, Who Brings It?

“Why do you homeschool, Mrs. McCauley?” The school principal’s gaze ignited and blazed a tunnel straight through to my mother’s heart.

A thousand replies flitted through my brain, but only one surfaced. “W-Well, because I enjoy my children.”

Her blue eyes softened to a tender gray. “Now, that’s the answer I wanted to hear. You’ve passed my test.” Her mouth spread into a warm smile, and her heels clicked away.

My children were young, and I was clueless. Days filled with nature walks and finger painting diminished and academics became harder.

 You will reach your bountiful blessing because of His faithfulness. Your land will yield the fruit of His bountiful harvest because of His grace.

How do you keep it together when all your plans for a group activity end in chaos? The older my children became the more difficult it was for me to enjoy them sometimes.

Like the day the table was covered with individual laminated charts representing numbers one through one hundred, homemade and colorful. Pennies, dimes, nickels, quarters, and fifty cent pieces were neatly piled in small groups in the center of the table. The kids and I would count, skip count, talk about money denominations, and enjoy one of those shared times when work could be done as a group.

Then it started.

A squabble. A complaint. A tattle.

Often when I’d try fun learning it would end in disaster. Frustrated, I’d call the whole exercise off and send the children to do not so fun seatwork.

I had a faithful heart to homeschool. I wanted to do it right. But at the end of the day—many days—all that was leftover were honest conversations between God and me. My energies were spent and my emotional coffers empty.

Especially when they became teens and our family faced the challenges of outside influences and poor choices. Don’t kid yourself. They will make poor choices. Some more than others. But it is the same with us all.

Many messages to homeschooling parents are aimed at teaching us to be yielded servants to our families, rather than the understanding that Jesus is the Ultimate One, who is faithful to bring the yield.

The opposite of my frustrated effort was grace. Grace. When we’re frustrated, we’re trying to make something happen on our own. Grace does not make us a debtor. Grace says the payment is paid in full. How to parent with grace? Only by total abandonment.

Many messages to homeschooling parents are aimed at teaching us to be yielded servants to our families, rather than the understanding that Jesus is the Ultimate One, who is faithful to bring the yield.

Oh, from my earliest days of homeschooling, I wanted to be faithful, but I couldn’t be faithful enough. He is. I cannot be gracious enough. He is. I cannot always hold onto my happiness, but He holds on to me.

The biggest remedy of all for burnout is to grasp the understanding that you will never be enough for your children. Oh, you want to be. Everything they say and do feels like a reflection of your own personal worth. But in reality, that isn’t true. You are imperfect and so are your children.

Ps. 85:12-13 (New Living Translating) says: “Yes, the Lord pours down his blessings. Our land will yield its bountiful harvest. Righteousness goes as a herald before Him, preparing the way for his steps.”

Allow me to encourage you. You will reach your bountiful blessing because of His faithfulness. Your land will yield the fruit of His bountiful harvest because of His grace.

Verse thirteen speaks of Jesus, the Righteous One, who will step in and save the day. He did.

And it doesn’t matter how many mistakes you make or how many your children will make. If we’ve chosen Him, He is enough.

When God Whispers

Remedy for Burnout: Diligence Now & Blessing Later

Joanna, a five-year-old orphan and blind, was no doubt my daughter. She thrived like a watermelon seed planted in my heart and growing.

The paternal and maternal love for her was enormous, though we’d never met. God grafted her in our hearts, not unlike a pregnancy, and we anticipated her arrival.

But Joanna’s adoption story is for another time. This story is about her education. I’d never been around anyone blind. I’d never considered how they learned, let alone how to teach someone with visual impairment. How does one say—terrified?

The journey to parenting began months before our daughter came home from the Philippines. If I was going to homeschool Joanna along with her siblings, I had much to learn.

I called the state and spoke with advocates for the blind. One suggested teaching the Braille alphabet with a six cup muffin pan and ping pong balls. Another recommended a screen board. A rectangle of cardboard with door screening stretched over it and stapled down. This way, when anything was written or drawn over the screen the paper was perforated. When the paper was turned over, raised lines revealed what you wanted to show. Joanna would enjoy coloring because a simple page of any design could be converted to raised lines. Still other suggestions were about mobility. We bought a hard shell baby buggy for Joanna to push, and it became a buffer for her little body between walls and furniture.

Every time I surveyed the whole apple of Joanna’s education,

it overwhelmed me by immeasurable proportions.

Fear gripped and battled to conquer. Even as we traveled to the Dallas airport to meet our small daughter, the war raged. She cannot see. She doesn't speak English. Oh my. What are we doing?

We rehearsed our Tagalog, her native language. And, we had a cassette recording to explain simple things to our child in her own tongue. Ready or not, there we were. And, what happened at the airport?

Love conquered fear. Young Joanna captured our hearts and held us captive.

One year and four surgeries later, our English speaking, Philipino daughter was ready for kindergarten. I received word about a ministry in Plano, Texas. This ministry transcribed ABeka Christian School curriculum into Braille for sighted parents of blind children and for blind parents teaching their sighted children. The Braille, loaned by grade levels, was mailed to private schools and homeschooling parents around the country, and it just so happened the curriculum was an older version of ABeka. The print copies were no longer available. But, we owned the older versions of these books, having used them with our other children. Joanna and I had books that matched.

Joanna delighted in learning. We acquired a Brailler along with a Braille watch, slate and stylus, and other essentials for the blind from a precious Christian family whose older, blind sister had passed away. So, where to start?

When first beginning our homeschooling journey, we were told the years 

tell what the days never know. This speaks of diligence. 

Being faithful with what is small.

We dove into school that year, and I quickly discovered Joanna learned like any other child. She was a visual learner. (One whose eyes were her fingers, mind you, but visual all the same.) She delighted in learning and was quick. Often her peals of laughter were like bells tinkling through the house. Why had I been so afraid? God certainly knew me better than I knew myself, didn’t He?

There came a point in time when Joanna sailed with her Braille, and I no longer had to visually keep up. I presented, and Joanna learned. Just like any other child.

The ministry in Plano went belly-up two years later and closed its doors. I received a call asking if I’d like to house the Braille and be the lending library for other homeschool parents around the country. Living in a one hundred-year-old -house with walk-in attics had its advantages. One Abeka reader when stacked in volumes often equaled my height. There was plenty of room for the hordes of boxes. The day those books began trickling into our care was like Christmas. And for years, we served others while having every grade level we needed for Joanna. Oh, the goodness of God!

When first beginning our homeschooling journey, we were told the years tell what the days never know. This speaks of diligence. Being faithful with what is small. Every time I surveyed the whole apple of Joanna’s education, it overwhelmed me by immeasurable proportions. But being diligent to take a day at a time and to enjoy the learning process and my child paid off.

After turning eighteen, Joanna tackled the local high school where she received an honors diploma. From there, she navigated college. Joanna, a bright and lovely child, is now a married woman and mother.

But today we target diligence. God provided everything Joanna needed to succeed. One bite at a time…

How do you eat an elephant?

We are told in Colossians 2:6-7, that as we have received Christ, we should walk in Him, rooted and built up, established in faith and abounding in thanksgiving. Do we realize what this means when our efforts are discouraged, when burnout consumes us, or when quitting seems a better alternative?

Where there is a root, there's hope for a new beginning and hope for renewal. If you were once rooted, built up, and walking in faith with Christ to homeschool your children, you can be again. Having homeschooled now for more than twenty-five years, I can assure you. The big pay-offs come from day to day diligence coupled with the fact that Jesus paves the way. He’s always a step ahead, ready to love you and support your endeavors. So, dust off and begin afresh. He is new every morning.

Joanna McCauley West

When I told Joanna about this article, she was eager for you to hear her story of God's goodness. Once, she was a whisper from God in our ear;

forever, she is a blessing.

 

Listen for His Whispers...

Remedy for Burnout: Meditate/ Pour/ Meditate Some More

A sparkling glass pitcher. Perfect. I filled it with ice and water. The heavy cut glass would reflect the candlelight on my table, and make a lovely accent to dinner. After all, how often did special occasions pull us away from plastic divided plates and sippy cups? 

Leaving the kitchen to dress for dinner, I returned to find a puddle. On the counter near the pitcher was a pool of water. Must have missed it when cleaning. I grabbed a towel and soaked up the spill.

Mary meditated on Jesus, and as long as she did, she was filled. Martha stewed, her energies pouring from her faster than she could stop their leak. Both women beautiful, but one filled. One at peace.

The smell of pot roast reminded me it was time to take it out of the oven. I carefully arranged it on a platter and added onions, bite-sized potatoes, and carrots. I spun around to grab the pitcher. There it was, another drippy mess on the counter. Certainly, my prized pitcher wasn’t leaking? I lifted it high for examination. Nothing.

I toweled up the water, and this time stood guard. Ever so slowly, water drained from the pitcher. I dumped the contents and brought it to the light. The smallest of hair-line fractures zigzagged the glass. How could something so heavy crack and leak?

Whether we pour or leak, we need to be filled and refilled with His power. Be carried by the sweeping current of His Holy Spirit. Be refreshed. 
Meditate, pour, then meditate some more.

I couldn't bring myself to throw it away. On the outside it was still lovely. But what purpose would it serve? A receptacle for silk flowers? I scratched the idea and threw it in the can. I hate throwing things away. It called me back. I hovered over the trash can, and a lesson bloomed in my heart. A pitcher is meant to be poured and refilled. If it cannot hold substance, it has no purpose.

The story of Mary and Martha came to mind. Mary meditated on Jesus, and as long as she did, she was filled. Martha stewed, her energies pouring from her faster than she could stop their leak. Both women beautiful, but one filled. One at peace.

Meditation. The Hebrew word meaning to breathe. To breathe is to have life. Without life, we run dry. An answer to burnout? Meditate on your Redeemer. Fill yourself with His rich and satisfying Word; He is the Word who has come to dwell with us. 

And, flow where The River goes. Whether we pour or leak, we need to be filled and refilled with His power. Be carried by the sweeping current of His Holy Spirit. Be refreshed. 

Meditate. Pour out to others. Then meditate some more.

“O God, You are my God, and earnestly will I seek You; my inner self thirsts for You, my flesh longs and is faint for You, in a dry and weary land where no water is… My whole being shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness; and my mouth shall praise You with joyful lips when I remember You upon my bed and meditate on You in the night watches. For You have been my help, and in the shadow of Your wings will I rejoice. My whole being follows hard after You and clings closely to You; Your right hand upholds me.” (Psalm 63:1, 5-7 Amplified)

*The preceding story, Remedy for Burnout, was written as I journeyed through burnout as a homeschooling mom. The letter R-Remember to Rest, E-Exercise What?, M-Meditate/Pour/Meditate Some More. Stay tuned for E-D-Y.* 

Mornings in our lives are those fresh, new beginnings we cherish each time we experience God.

When Trouble Finds You

New beginnings are like new blooms; they anticipate sunshine and dew-kissed days to blossom.  They spring forth, by design of the Creator, fresh, sturdy, yet tender and lovely.

We had moved to a new beginning—a different house, neighborhood, town, and state. I was prepared. I’d gathered curriculum. I’d planned entertaining activities for my toddler. My boys, seven, six, and five, had organized closets filled with learning games, and I had a teacher corner, complete with manuals and motivating magazines. I had made calls and studied state law. My paperwork was filed.

            On this first day of school, my primary agenda was to feed hungry tummies. I scrambled eggs and made toast. Kissing my husband as he headed for work, I skipped to the bathroom to groom while the kids ate. When I came back, the kids had deserted. The boys had made a pirate ship of the bunk beds and the toddler was listening to music. Happy sounds filtered the rooms and the sun’s rays splashed my face while I scrubbed the frying pan at the kitchen sink.

            A knock sounded on the back door as peals of laughter and playacting grew louder. My daughter clamored through the room marching to music. I scanned the table. Scrambled eggs dotted its surface.  Electric curlers were atop my head, but I was dressed. I shuddered. Being in a new place, I didn’t know people. Who would knock on the back door at eight in the morning?

I managed to pluck two or three rollers from my hair as I opened the door. A stranger stood there.  Be gracious.

“Mrs. McCauley?” he said, never cracking a smile.

“Yes?”

“I am Mr. Jones and I am with the state truancy department. Someone filed a complaint with us saying your children are not in school. This is the first day of school, ma’am. Are your children here?”

Panic gripped. Heavenly Father! This was before the days of organizations telling you what to do in such situations. The door was wide open, and this man had one foot in the threshold. Wisdom told me to show confidence and honesty. What else could I do?

“Please come in…” I smiled, though trembling. The children’s games ceased and they swarmed, grinning at the company. I told them to do what they were supposed to be doing, and one by one they trickled away. The pirate ship sailed.  Hails of shiver me timbers reverberated. I swept my hand around the kitchen. 

“I’m sorry things are a mess.We just finished breakfast.”

He said nothing.

“Mr. Jones, I am a homeschooler. My children have not been outdoors this morning, and I don’t understand who called and complained.”

“The call was made last week, before school began.”

“I don’t understand. Why would someone do that?”

“I don’t know, ma’am. Why don’t you show me your paperwork?”

            I invited him to follow me to my teacher corner. Anyone could tell I was organized and serious, but suddenly I realized I had been remiss. I had filed papers without making a photocopy, and I had no proof of what I’d sent the state. An explanation nervously poured from my mouth.

            He asked to see the children’s books. I showed him everything and treated him with the dignity of a trusted friend. As he strolled once more to the classroom, he stooped to speak with my three-year-old, who now sat with a book. 

“What are you reading, honey?”

“A book about Jesus.” She beamed, and I could see her eyes blaze a trail to his heart.

The man rose, meeting my eyes and said, “You are doing a wonderful job…”

Most of the time trouble will come calling when it’s least expected, and situations can spin out of control in a hurry. Granted, I should have been more prepared, but what I learned speaks volumes.  A gentle answer can turn away wrath. What is meant for evil, God can change for good. The attributes of our Father—truthfulness, graciousness, confidence—exercised in our actions, can produce lovely blooms endowed with hope of flowering. What about you? Have you had a negative reaction to homeschooling turn around because you cried out for God’s virtues? Have you found yourself in a new situation, counting on God to be faithful and fruitful in your endeavors?

*Author’s note:  I do recommend homeschoolers join HSLDA and learn what to do in a situation like the one above. The days of pioneering are over, and there is helpful information on what to do before and after your rights are threatened.  

Though we may be unprepared, the Holy Spirit is our Helper.

Listen for his whispers!